now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
