Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
