So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
