Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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