If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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