thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
