I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
