she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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