I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
