Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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