Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
