the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
