Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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