Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
