bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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