I'd wear matching sweaters with you
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
