false alarm. still invincible.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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