Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
