At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I love having hate sex.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
