fuck your aforementioned shoe
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
