We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
