Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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