She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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