it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Four minutes until I can fart!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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