Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
