I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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