They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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