Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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