drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
