i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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