Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
