Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize