i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
