It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I am available for nakedness
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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