We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
