I wish I could teleport
just come out here and I will go home with you...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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