I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
