I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
