she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
