is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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