my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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