you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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