Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You took a bar mat shot.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
