His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize