Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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