I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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