fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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