I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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