I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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