I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
