I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Damn victory sex feels great
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize