At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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