He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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