if i died would you start the facebook group?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My feet surprised me
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
