I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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