All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
