Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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