Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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