Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
