I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
is that a dick in a sweater?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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