it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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