I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
