I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
