He is such a slut. More and more my type.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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