are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
