i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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