I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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