forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
