i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
