I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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