I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
