Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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