I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
